The Used Yaoi Fanfiction
"I may have just scuppered the Plan." Bert began.
Immediately Gerard was distracted. "Did you just say 'scuppered'? I thought only twee English folk said that."
"I-what? Never mind, shut up. I have ruined your Plan, Gerard."
Bert waited patiently, but Gerard still seemed strangely distracted. "Why did you think of 'scupper'?"
"Oh dear god, shut up. I HAVE RUINED YOUR PLAN." Bert said very clearly and very loudly, lest there be any mistakes.
Gerard's eyes finally flickered to him. "What plan?"
Bert's splayed hand connected with his ribcage in a gesture he just hoped properly expressed his shock and outrage. Gerard just secretly thought it made him look even more feminine, in a fifties' starlet sort of way. "The Plan! Gerard! The Plan to seduce Dean and make her fall for you for....well, reasons as yet unknown to me. But the P-GERARD!"
"I wasn't!" Gerard defended himself at once. Bert crossed his bracelet-clad arms over his chest. "You weren't what?"
"Uh...whatever you were telling me I did."
Bert opened his mouth and clamped it shut again in shock at the horrifying moment when Gerard's hazel eyes traced over Frank's ass again. He briefly connected his palm with his best friend's cheek. Gerard clasped it, looking rather pissy and finally tore his eyes away from Frank's behind. "You do that way too much."
Bert ignored this last comment and continued his admonishments. "That's Frank, you absolute asshole. FRANK. You're just ...not allowed to look at him like that."
Gerard's eyes flashed up to him and he looked amused.
"Oh dear." Bert suddenly had the feeling he had created a monster. "I didn't mean that, of course you're allowed look at him, I mean, I can't stop you but-but-but-" Now he felt like he had just made it worse. He had made Frank unavailable.

"Yeah, 'butt' indeed." Gerard agreed.

Bert took the opportunity to slap him again. "Bert! Jesus, I would beat your ass if you didn't slap like a bitc-"
"NO not 'butt indeed', just NO. You can't have Frank, Gee so just forget about it. Concentrate on Dean. At least she's fairly available. Obviously excluding the fact that she's dating your younger brother." After this statement, Bert did have to think that maybe Gerard just had a thing for always desiring what he shouldn't have.
Finally, Gerard seemed to come back into his normal mind. "I wasn't...! Oh god, I was staring at Frank. What have I become?" Gerard put his face in his hands and his elbows on the counter.
"A sex-crazed slightly masochistic confused and easily distracted maniac?" Bert considered this and added; "A teen, then."
Gerard peeked at him through his fingers. "I don't want Frank. For 1), I like Dean, and B) It's...Frank."
Bert slapped him again. Seeing the look on Gerard's face he explained; "Sorry, but you said '1) and B)'" Gerard just lost it and dove at him, bitch slapping and slapping him for all he was worth.

As they scuffled, a voice rang out. "Pleased to see you two hard at work as always."

Bert peered up at the new voice from where he was wedged under Gerard's dangerously hard hipbones.  "Uh....hello Shadows. Hello Shadows' new squeeze."
Said new squeeze scowled at him and Bert wondered what he had done wrong. Shadows coughed uncomfortably. "Gerard, as pleased as I am that you finally decided to resolve your sexual tension with Bert, I think I'd prefer if you didn't do it in my store."
Gerard and Bert gaped at their smug boss and immediately leapt away from each other, coughing awkwardly, staring at the floor and mumbling about 'misunderstanding' (from Gerard) and 'pervert' (from Bert).
"So, who's the new whrr?" Bert asked, or at least that's what it sounded like, as Gerard clapped his hand over his mouth on the last word. Shadows scowled at him, but not as fiercely as the newest member of Shadow's wannabe harem.
"Who old are you, like fourteen?" The new guy asked exasperatedly. Bert bristled. "I'm small for my age."

Bert looked him up and down and added. "I'm actually sixteen, but sorry, I don't think you're my type."

The guy went pink with either embarrassment or suppressed rage. Bert vaguely wondered why the guys Shadows like all seemed to be so easily offended. Talking quickly to gloss over the slightly sticky moment; Shadows said; "Johnny, these ...two," Shadows face twisted a little on that and looked like he'd had a different word in mind, "...are Gerard and...Bert. They work here. Guys, this is Johnny."
"Your uhrmph?" Bert asked curiously and Shadows seemed to turn a strange colour. For a second Gerard was going to call an ambulance, but then he realised
Shadows was blushing. Aw, how sweet.
"Your boyfriend?" Bert continued, because he was an idiot. Gerard dug an elbow into his waist. "Ow, what?" He snapped at Gerard, looking annoyed.  Gerard jerked his head at Johnny a few times in a manner that was obviously supposed to be subtle. Bert still looked confused. "What?" He whispered to Gerard and Gerard hissed back, "Shut up you idiot, he's embarrassed." To which Bert snorted and said, "Shadows? Embarrassed? Hehehe-Hey, they're gone."
Gerard looked around and noticed Bert was actually right.
"Betcha five bucks they're in his office and Johnny's giving him head."
Gerard looked unamused. "Anyway, what were we talking about?"
Bert fidgeted with his shirt hem. "Oh right, uh, well, see, I....I may have ruined your Plan."
Gerard looked incredulous and Bert noticed he felt quite relieved by the fact that Gerard could still be surprised by his antics. "How?"
"Well, I was talking to Dean and her friends and I may have ...mentioned the fact that you had a ...crush on someone. Someone who wasn't a guy and you were confused because of your obvious gayness and they said they'd help you figure out if you were gay or not." Bert explained.
"What do you mean; my 'obvious gayness'?" Gerard protested.
Bert didn't deign to answer such a stupid question, so he just said; "Did you hear me? I may have ruined the-Oh! I have a better Plan!" Bert was so overcome with pride he smacked his own forehead, ignoring Gerard's "You're actually very violent."

"Oh my god, now, now you can continue with the original Plan while Dean helps you and you can seduce her slowly! Oh dear lord, I am a genius."

Gerard just looked at him a little uncomfortably. "Isn't that a little...dishonest?"
Bert looked exasperated. "Gee, I'm practically stalking a guy I have yet to have a proper conversation with. He knocked me over earlier and that alone convinced me there was a god. And that god was sitting on my chest. Look Gerard," Bert said, swinging an arm over his friend's shoulder, "We do funny things for love."

"And by 'funny' you meant deceitful."


"Just so we're clear."

Quinn snapped his phone shut and opened it, trying the same number again. He didn't understand, his girlfriend always answered when someone called. He gave up after the fourth unanswered call, and choosing not to leave a voicemail, just continued on his short walk to her house. Not bothering to knock; as he knew her mother would be at work now, he just walked in and head straight up to her bedroom. Pausing at the door, he knocked briefly and entered. Suddenly he felt rather light-headed. "Kate? What....what the fuck are you doing?" He asked, even though it was actually quite clear what she was doing. Unless her 'friend' had just dropped something and Kate was helping her look for it. In her mouth. She broke away from the other girl with a look of surprise and guilt. Quinn just turned and walked out the door, feeling slightly dazed. Kate followed him and shouted after him "Quinn! I'm sorry, come back!" He disregarded the apology and yelled back vehemently, even though he had no idea if it was true; "Fuck you, I'm gay!"

  He knew what he was doing with Bert, leading him on, trying to flirt with him, he knew it was betraying Kate but...still, it felt different when he found her betraying him. Although, he wouldn't have gone as far as to kiss Bert, Quinn consoled himself as he exited the house for the last time and walked through the gate, ignoring Kate's cries of apologies. He ignored the little voice in the back of his head that said yes you would have. You pretend you would have pulled away, but if Bert kissed you, you'd kiss him right back.

The hateful little voice sniped and Quinn had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do with this unwanted information.