Gerard twisted Bert's wavy blonde hair around his pale fingers before letting it slip away. He shouldn't be so tempted by the younger boy, his ex-boyfriend. Bert looked away, looked at anywhere but at Gerard's face. He knew he shouldn't feel like this. He shouldn't want him, shouldn't love him. God, he should hate him for breaking his heart that summer night in the street. The fading light. For messing him about afterwards and eventually fucking him again; for saying 'yes' to Frank even when he'd promised Bert that he'd say 'no'. He didn't care about hurting Bert- that was jsut another thing he had lied about. Yet Bert couldn't - wouldn't - tell Gerard to stop sitting on his legs or playing with his hair the way he used to before. Bert didn't have the heart to tell him that it was wrong, just like he couldn't say that he still loved Gerard. Biting his lip, he forced back the tears that threatened to fall.
He finally found the courage to look at Gerard. Beautiful hazel eyes stared back at him and Bert knew that their faces were too close. Gerard let his hands rest on Bert's shoulders; the blonde had no idea what was going on until soft lips pressed against his own. He wrapped his arms around Gerard's waist, forgetting that this was wrong and keeping him close instead.
"Shit!" Gerard hissed as he pulled back. Bert screwed his eyes shut, clamped his teeth down on his bottom lip and forced himself not to cry. "B-Bert?" Gerard's thumb absently traced his jaw line, trying to comfort him but not having enough courage to ask what was wrong.
"What?" There were tears in his voice even if they couldn't be seen on his face. Gerard kissed him again, as though he could kiss away the pain that Bert was trying to hide. Bert just turned away.
"What is wrong with you, Bee?" Nothing. "Hey?" Frank kept running through Bert's head but he didn't want to say anything in case he ruined any small chance he may have. Gerard didn't need him to say it, he could see it in his eyes. "It's not like he'll find out. It's not like this means anything." That was it. Bert let out a quiet howl.
"God damn it, Gerard! You know full well that 'this' means something to me! You always knew, even when were just fucking, even when I lied and said it was fine. You know I love you." He was still crying but he didn't care. "But did you ever love me? That first night, I swear you only asked me out because you wanted to get in my pants and I wouldn't let you. But guess what? Two weeks later and we were making love in your bed. That was all it ever meant to you, wasn't it, Gerard? You never loved me." Bert choked on those words, hating the way they tasted in his mouth as the tears still kept streaming down his face. Gerard didn't know what to do. "It was just the sex, and later... you always insisted that you were the one giving the 'sexual favours', as you liked to call them. But you weren't. Who got convinced to try rimming? Me. Who was the shy one who dominated you because you felt like being submissive for a change? Because that was what you wanted? I was your whore, Gee. I only do what you ask because I want to make you happy. Just praying for some kind of love in return."
"You... you still love me?" Gerard was stunned.
"Of course I fucking do! No matter how many times I say I'm over you, I'm not. You'll always be there, even when I find someone else. I'm always gunna love you." Bert knew that he looked a mess but he couldn't bring himself to care or even wipe away his tears. Gerard had seen him like this before, what did it matter?
"I'm so sorry." he tenderly wiped the tears away with his fingertips before cupping Bert's face in his hands and tilting it upwards from where his chin was slumped against his chest.
"Stop it." Bert didn't want Gerard's lies any more, but didn't stop the black-haired boy from kissing him. He just shook and gripped onto Gerard's back as though his life depended on it.
"Fuck Frank." He murmured against Bert's lips before deepening their kiss and gripping tighter onto his dirty blonde hair.
Bert let Gerard's fingers creep up into his shirt. Unable to stop himself. This would sting in the morning, he knew. When Gerard was gone and back in Frank's arms. They broke apart, Gerard searched Bert's still-hurting eyes for permission.
"Only do this if you mean it."
"Oh, I mean it. I'm sorry for everything, Bert." The younger boy raised his arms above his head and let himself be rid of his shirt. "I do still love you."
Bert blinked.
"I...I..." he stammered and Gerard pressed a finger to his lips.
"I know, baby. You've said it enough." They kissed again.
As more clothes were shed, Gerard's love for Frank evaporated. He was stuck in a moment where it was just him and Bert. The other boy didn't exist. The familiar feeling of his lips was all too right, his hands knew just where to touch and squeeze. Placing one hand on Bert's chest, Gerard gently pushed him down onto his back. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of Bert's underwear, looking at him questioningly. He nodded.
They were naked then, and Gerard held two fingers to Bert's lips, pushing them into a willing mouth. Bert sucked on them gently, tongue running over the sensitive crease of skin between the two digits. Gerard pulled them out; Bert was surprised when he started to push one inside of him. It had never been like this, even when they were dating. Gerard had always been rougher when he was on top. The gentle, caring movements made a wavering moan issue from between kiss-swollen lips. Gerard added a second finger and Bert's hips rocked up into his hand. Moments later, he pulled them out. Bert's legs wrapped tight around his waist as Gerard guided his hips closer. When the older boy pushed into him, Bert could have sworn he'd seen stars.
"Fuck, Bert!" he panted as he built up a gentle rhythm that strayed in places as Bert pushed his hips into Gerard's thrusts. He felt himself nearing his peak and he pulled Gerard down into a deep kiss as his back arched, spilling warmth over their stomachs. Gerard groaned as Bert's muscles tightened involuntarily around him, sending him over the edge as well.
After they had recovered, they lay entangled in each other's sweaty, tired arms. Gerard stroked Bert's hair as he looked up, baby blue eyes wide,
"What about Frank?"
"Tomorrow, Bert. I'll tell him tomorrow."
"Yeah but what will you tell him?"
"That I was wrong," he kissed Bert lightly on the mouth, "I was wrong for thinking I was over you. To tell the truth, you were the only one I ever could have loved."
He finally found the courage to look at Gerard. Beautiful hazel eyes stared back at him and Bert knew that their faces were too close. Gerard let his hands rest on Bert's shoulders; the blonde had no idea what was going on until soft lips pressed against his own. He wrapped his arms around Gerard's waist, forgetting that this was wrong and keeping him close instead.
"Shit!" Gerard hissed as he pulled back. Bert screwed his eyes shut, clamped his teeth down on his bottom lip and forced himself not to cry. "B-Bert?" Gerard's thumb absently traced his jaw line, trying to comfort him but not having enough courage to ask what was wrong.
"What?" There were tears in his voice even if they couldn't be seen on his face. Gerard kissed him again, as though he could kiss away the pain that Bert was trying to hide. Bert just turned away.
"What is wrong with you, Bee?" Nothing. "Hey?" Frank kept running through Bert's head but he didn't want to say anything in case he ruined any small chance he may have. Gerard didn't need him to say it, he could see it in his eyes. "It's not like he'll find out. It's not like this means anything." That was it. Bert let out a quiet howl.
"God damn it, Gerard! You know full well that 'this' means something to me! You always knew, even when were just fucking, even when I lied and said it was fine. You know I love you." He was still crying but he didn't care. "But did you ever love me? That first night, I swear you only asked me out because you wanted to get in my pants and I wouldn't let you. But guess what? Two weeks later and we were making love in your bed. That was all it ever meant to you, wasn't it, Gerard? You never loved me." Bert choked on those words, hating the way they tasted in his mouth as the tears still kept streaming down his face. Gerard didn't know what to do. "It was just the sex, and later... you always insisted that you were the one giving the 'sexual favours', as you liked to call them. But you weren't. Who got convinced to try rimming? Me. Who was the shy one who dominated you because you felt like being submissive for a change? Because that was what you wanted? I was your whore, Gee. I only do what you ask because I want to make you happy. Just praying for some kind of love in return."
"You... you still love me?" Gerard was stunned.
"Of course I fucking do! No matter how many times I say I'm over you, I'm not. You'll always be there, even when I find someone else. I'm always gunna love you." Bert knew that he looked a mess but he couldn't bring himself to care or even wipe away his tears. Gerard had seen him like this before, what did it matter?
"I'm so sorry." he tenderly wiped the tears away with his fingertips before cupping Bert's face in his hands and tilting it upwards from where his chin was slumped against his chest.
"Stop it." Bert didn't want Gerard's lies any more, but didn't stop the black-haired boy from kissing him. He just shook and gripped onto Gerard's back as though his life depended on it.
"Fuck Frank." He murmured against Bert's lips before deepening their kiss and gripping tighter onto his dirty blonde hair.
Bert let Gerard's fingers creep up into his shirt. Unable to stop himself. This would sting in the morning, he knew. When Gerard was gone and back in Frank's arms. They broke apart, Gerard searched Bert's still-hurting eyes for permission.
"Only do this if you mean it."
"Oh, I mean it. I'm sorry for everything, Bert." The younger boy raised his arms above his head and let himself be rid of his shirt. "I do still love you."
Bert blinked.
"I...I..." he stammered and Gerard pressed a finger to his lips.
"I know, baby. You've said it enough." They kissed again.
As more clothes were shed, Gerard's love for Frank evaporated. He was stuck in a moment where it was just him and Bert. The other boy didn't exist. The familiar feeling of his lips was all too right, his hands knew just where to touch and squeeze. Placing one hand on Bert's chest, Gerard gently pushed him down onto his back. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of Bert's underwear, looking at him questioningly. He nodded.
They were naked then, and Gerard held two fingers to Bert's lips, pushing them into a willing mouth. Bert sucked on them gently, tongue running over the sensitive crease of skin between the two digits. Gerard pulled them out; Bert was surprised when he started to push one inside of him. It had never been like this, even when they were dating. Gerard had always been rougher when he was on top. The gentle, caring movements made a wavering moan issue from between kiss-swollen lips. Gerard added a second finger and Bert's hips rocked up into his hand. Moments later, he pulled them out. Bert's legs wrapped tight around his waist as Gerard guided his hips closer. When the older boy pushed into him, Bert could have sworn he'd seen stars.
"Fuck, Bert!" he panted as he built up a gentle rhythm that strayed in places as Bert pushed his hips into Gerard's thrusts. He felt himself nearing his peak and he pulled Gerard down into a deep kiss as his back arched, spilling warmth over their stomachs. Gerard groaned as Bert's muscles tightened involuntarily around him, sending him over the edge as well.
After they had recovered, they lay entangled in each other's sweaty, tired arms. Gerard stroked Bert's hair as he looked up, baby blue eyes wide,
"What about Frank?"
"Tomorrow, Bert. I'll tell him tomorrow."
"Yeah but what will you tell him?"
"That I was wrong," he kissed Bert lightly on the mouth, "I was wrong for thinking I was over you. To tell the truth, you were the only one I ever could have loved."
